Breakfast and the unmentionable

by John Passmore

The idea is that you plant the rock in the garden. It has been specially treated with something which is irresistible to dogs. The dog then uses it as a toilet – avoiding the unpleasantness which results in her using the rest of the garden at random.

All of this was explained to me over my bacon and eggs.

That is the thing about business breakfast clubs: The food tends to take second place to the business – whatever the consequences…

Anyway I’ve been offered one of these gadgets on a trial basis (if you’d like to try one do let me know). The reason I mention it is that, returning home, I naturally took the dog for a walk.

We paused on the way, of course, to talk to an electrician eating sandwiches in his van: “Hello, is this your business? Well you’re just the sort of person I’m looking for. I’ve several colleagues who are electricians and they all make an extra income alongside their electrical businesses. Would you like me to tell you what they do?”

He listened politely. He thanked me profusely but he wasn’t interested. “That’s fine, “ I told him and carried on my way.

I could afford to do that because the dog then introduced herself to another dog and, as dog-owners do on these occasions, we started talking dogs: “You’ll never guess what I’m getting…”

He was intrigued. “Tell you what,” I said. “Give me your email address and I’ll get the chap to send you some info.”

He gave me his email address.

“While I’m at it, have one of these. It’s about making money.”

He peered. It seemed only polite to explain: “I’m in the Utilities business…”

Two down, four to go.

Later, on the A12 I found myself behind a van with a mobile number on the back. When I stopped, I sent him a text. Ten minutes later he called me. Now there’s a DVD in the post to him.

By this stage I’d stopped worrying about the other three. They would turn up somehow, I was sure. I was a bit surprised just how it happened, though:

I had an appointment with the solicitor at 3.00 p.m. (one day, when it’s all done and dusted, I’ll tell you why).

“Daytime phone number?” he asked.

“Same as the home phone. I work from home.”

“Oh really, what do you do?”

“I help people save money on their household bills. We’ve got a discount club. It’s called the Utility Warehouse, have you ever heard of it?”

And before I knew where I was I had given him the whole 30 seconds and he was saying: “That’s just what I need. I’m sure I’m paying too much.”

So when I go in to show him my passport on Monday, he’s bringing his bills.

Well, after that it was all downhill. I just pulled out my Win a Mini forms in the carpark and got two filled in just to finish off. One wasn’t interested in saving money, the other wants me to ring her husband.

There. Was that hard to do?