by John Passmore
Get a haircut,
Collect suit from cleaners
Buy new shaver
Money from bank
Just take a look at the list of things to do and you can tell this was the day of Norwich COP!
The good news was that the list was going to take me into town so as usual I slung my Win-a-Mini clipboard in the back of the car. After all, I’d taken just one call after breakfast so I still had to say my piece five times before people arrived for a lift up to Norfolk – all inevitably saying: “Well, have you got your six?”
And so, chores done, I positioned myself by the car park ticket machine and asked the first person to come by whether she wanted to win a car.
Her name was Rosalind and she said “Why not?” Better still, she wanted to save money and we made an appointment – just like that.
The next two patiently listened to me say my piece but I couldn’t help them. However the last was the most interesting. I wrote his address without thinking and then, when I told him about the club he said: “I already use your stuff.”
Good heavens – I looked at the form again. We’d met before. He was the lodger with one of my very first customers from four years ago! They are still customers today but now they’re moving house and he’s moving to Kent. So he agreed he would get his landlord to call the Home Movers team and when he got to Kent he would give me a call himself.
And then he said something that switched the lightbulb on: “I’m moving down to be near my daughter. I hadn’t planned to retire just yet but circumstances have conspired. I’ll find a little job – just a couple of days a week…”
And so, yes, you guessed it, he’s looking at the business.
In fact everything was looking very rosey – until it started raining before I got my sixth in the bag. The trouble was, the rest of the day was pretty much sewn up: I had an appointment with a potential distributor (yes he joined) and then it was straight back to deliver children to their various after-school activities – and then, without a pause to draw breath- off to Norwich.
But I did do one useful thing on the way back from the new distributor: I recorded into my phone the mobile number of the van in front of me on the A12. When I stopped I dashed off a text to him.
And 40 minutes later, between getting back from the tennis run and my passengers arriving, I got a call back. In fact as John Breadstill arrived, I was still on the phone saying: “…you could say ‘We’ve joined this brilliant club…’”
So when John reads this tomorrow morning, at least he’ll know it’s true.
Wednesday, 10 June 2009
The Pompous Approach
by John Passmore
There’s nothing quite so satisfying as being pompous when you’ve an appreciative audience – except, perhaps, being invited to be pompous.
I have a friend who is a head of department at one of our local high schools and he’s a man with a mission. The Government, apparently, has identified a problem among children from less privileged neighbourhoods: They rarely get to meet older people from outside their social circle – older people, for instance, who have achieved something particularly worthwhile in their lives.
So my friend the teacher set out to remedy this. He got together with another school and between them they invited an eminent doctor, a retired army officer, a wonderful old man who had survived Auschwitz, a woman who had built up her own successful business, various other worthies … and me.
All very well except that all the students were all under 18 so my six-a-day didn’t look so easy.
I had a good start, though – before I left home there was a call back from the day before. But he just said: “If it’s not building or ground works, I’m not interested.”
And then, at about midday, when we stopped for coffee, I found myself talking to the doctor and the army officer and one of them asked: “So what do you do now?”
Without even thinking about it, I began: “Well, I’m in the utilities business. That’s gas, electricity…”
If I had thought of it, I’d have done the “What we’ve got here is a discount club…” They might have gone for saving money. But they clearly had good pensions and so that was two more “No’s”
By the time I got home, there was nothing for it but to start hammering the list. The first one had just signed up to TalkTalk and the landlord wouldn’t let her change the electricity supplier.
Did she like renting? I asked. Would she like me to take 30 seconds to tell her how she could buy her own home?
Bingo! That’s four.
I did the next two in five minutes. The first one said no but when I got to the second, it turned out my record-keeping was awry - she was already a member.
“Ah yes,” I stammered. “Now that’s why I rang you. You see we’re looking for happy, satisfied customers who might like to make some extra money . What you do is listen out for people who moan about the credit crunch or the cost of living. Does anyone ever moan to you about those things?”
She wants to know more – and that’s my six. Spending a good part of the day being pompous was just a bonus…
There’s nothing quite so satisfying as being pompous when you’ve an appreciative audience – except, perhaps, being invited to be pompous.
I have a friend who is a head of department at one of our local high schools and he’s a man with a mission. The Government, apparently, has identified a problem among children from less privileged neighbourhoods: They rarely get to meet older people from outside their social circle – older people, for instance, who have achieved something particularly worthwhile in their lives.
So my friend the teacher set out to remedy this. He got together with another school and between them they invited an eminent doctor, a retired army officer, a wonderful old man who had survived Auschwitz, a woman who had built up her own successful business, various other worthies … and me.
All very well except that all the students were all under 18 so my six-a-day didn’t look so easy.
I had a good start, though – before I left home there was a call back from the day before. But he just said: “If it’s not building or ground works, I’m not interested.”
And then, at about midday, when we stopped for coffee, I found myself talking to the doctor and the army officer and one of them asked: “So what do you do now?”
Without even thinking about it, I began: “Well, I’m in the utilities business. That’s gas, electricity…”
If I had thought of it, I’d have done the “What we’ve got here is a discount club…” They might have gone for saving money. But they clearly had good pensions and so that was two more “No’s”
By the time I got home, there was nothing for it but to start hammering the list. The first one had just signed up to TalkTalk and the landlord wouldn’t let her change the electricity supplier.
Did she like renting? I asked. Would she like me to take 30 seconds to tell her how she could buy her own home?
Bingo! That’s four.
I did the next two in five minutes. The first one said no but when I got to the second, it turned out my record-keeping was awry - she was already a member.
“Ah yes,” I stammered. “Now that’s why I rang you. You see we’re looking for happy, satisfied customers who might like to make some extra money . What you do is listen out for people who moan about the credit crunch or the cost of living. Does anyone ever moan to you about those things?”
She wants to know more – and that’s my six. Spending a good part of the day being pompous was just a bonus…
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