Some Days Are Not Worth The Cornflakes

by John Passmore

How was your day?

Oh mine was OK. I spent an hour and a half in the dentist's chair and then a drunk hit-and-run driver ran into my Mini.

Yes, this actually happened.

Not a good day, then - you might think. But let's play the optimist for a bit and see what I did rescue out of it.

There I was, jaw like a watermelon, stationery on my side of the road, waiting to overtake a parked car when the oncoming BMW suddenly swerved into me. It takes a moment or two to realise this has happened. Then another few seconds to realise the other car has not stopped - and then heaven knows how long to wrench the mangled door open and get out.

By this time the BMW was half way up the road - far too far to see the number plate. In my best quarterdeck bellow, I called to a passer-by: "Get the number of that car!"

The guy just kept talking into his phone. I pounded up the street, my swollen head threatening to wobble off my shoulders.

By this time the BMW was stopped at the top of the road, prevented from escaping by the car in front which was waiting for traffic. I caught up with the man on the phone. It turned out he was dictating the BMWs number to his boss who he'd been talking to when he saw it happen.

By now the BMW had got away but I had my witness. In fact I had two because someone else turned up as well and confirmed the number. I dialled 999 (the first time I've ever done so - isn't this exciting!)

Anyway, having carefully written down the witnesses details, I needed to give them mine - and the easiest way to do that ws to take two cards out of the little business card box stuck to the side of the Mini.

"Save Money - Make Money" one of them said. "What's that all about then?"

So I told them.

Then I had to go to the police station and the WPC who took my statement asked me my occupation and so I had to tell her. But since we were getting on so well and there are so many police officers in this business, I thought I'd give it some wellie.

"Well that's a bit difficult to explain. Basically I sort out the country."

"You sort out the country?"

"Yes, me and Gordon Brown. But what I do is I sort theh country into three groups: People who want to save money, people who want to make money and people who want everything to stay the same. Which group would you like to be in?"

"Oo, I'd like to make money."

So she's got a DVD and instructions to count the number of police officers past and present she sees on it. As a taster I told her about Nigel Reilly-Cooper saying that as a serving police officer, it wasn't easy for him to find an appropriate part-time business. Then there was Jimmy Chapman who was invalided out of the force but fortunately had this little part-time business to fall back on (which has now bought him the house with the tennis court).

And that's not the end of it, of course. By the time I'd finished reporting the claim to the insurance company, I was able to say to the helpful young woman on the end of the phone: "May I compliment you on your telephone manner... actually I'm always on the lookout for people who are good on the telephone. Did you know you could earn an excellent part-time income using the skills you have already?"

And what with cards and DVDs to the driver of the recovery vehicle, the people waiting in the police station queue and the staff at the accident repair centre it ended up as quite a good day after all...